~**老虎仔**~

なんかさー
ずっと一緒にいれるかも
って人と自分から
離れちゃって

好きって気持ちって
ずっと続かないのかな？

もしそうならゆり
結婚なんてできんのかな？

できなかったら悲しい
どころじゃないしあせあせ

死ぬとき１人だったら
やだなーがく～

なんか最近無駄に
落ちるなー

21th November 2007

Ba,

haiz~ another 21th, why the incident & scene like never stop from my mind?! i can’t stop thinking of that day.
It seems like keep happening everyday.
One night, i dreamt of you Ba. U were actually come back to home to have ur dinner and then u pack ur luggage.
Then, i asked u where were u going (sobing)..and u have replied me :" Baba is now going off, i gotta go, don’t cry, be strong ya!"
I asked u whether will u come back anymore?! Yet, u just smile at me without answering my question.
I’m sure and I know u won’t come back to us anymore.Then,i was yelling at u and asked u not to leave us…but…i can only seen is ur silhouette fade away slowly…
I couldn’t adapt + accept the fact till today…what to do?! Ba, i really miss u damn much!

Hm~ why i always drop u a mail on wednesday?! lolx…
im really wondering…

Proton Saga Uncle already known about ur demise news…(although is kinda late and couldn’t take the chance to turn up to ur funeral)
He was so suprised about it and couldn’t believe about it…
Everybody were so suprised about it when they got the news. Haiz…not least me, too!

Beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

16th November 2007

Ba,

Yesterday i was so excited when i had reached home, because i thought we are going to visit u on yesterday.
Yet, yesterday actually is over 49 days alr….miss u la baba..gotta wait till 30 December only can visit u again…haiz…

Erm, ba…im so moody these days…i got so many things need to worry and to think…
got nobody to really share about, i dunno whom shall i talk to.
im so tired…
miss u crazily, watched a cartoon which related to sth about Dad…bla bla bla, tears again…haiz..

my mind is blank now, i couldn’t think of anything..

oh ya, forget to tell u…ah shan jie jie get the house key alr FINALLY! take so long time….
u couldn’t help them to design for their new house renovation.haiz….

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

24 October 2007

Ba,

It has been a month u have gone and being apart with us. My emo have "undercontrolled", haha ^^||
Although sometimes i really miss u so much, especially before i go to bed, im so easily to cry bcoz of miss u so much!

Im so regret to tell u that tomorrow im not going to visit u with mom they all bcoz i need to follow up my work in college.
im doing the KOLAM again for the coming deepavali this year just like previous year in the Mines, but this time i will be doing in Sunway Pyramid.
Yer~feel so wanna go with them to visit u leh Ba!!!i miss u nah!!!

Ba, my life really can’t being apart with u. Coz whenever im doing everything i also will think of u.
I thought doing assignment there won’t be any connection with u. Yet, i still remember that how u help me to do my model making & lighting fixtures. That day we worked so hard till late night, i still remember u sleep at 5am in the early morning!
I really felt an immense gratitude to u Ba! Thanks so much, thanks for whatever u have done in my life.

Tell u a little secret. I know what mom they’re going to prepare for u for lunch.
Guess what?! It’s Tau Fu Fa!!!! another of ur favourite. U used to buy Tau Fu Fa when u go to Pasar Malam.

As now i only understand that, once u ever lost ur beloved, the sadness really can’t be describe. And,during the hard time,condole perhaps will depress me more. What i need is, lend me a hand when i need somebody!

Since the day u have gone away, i get to understand more things and get to know a lot of things, such as regulation and rules.
Just something related to the insurance and etc. And it tells me what’ really benefit u and which is not!
And how to justify which is real friend and which is not! cos I get involve to see the reality when u hv gone!!!!!! How’s the world really look like!!

Ba, I love u!!!! I’m so regret that i did not appreciate and get to say " I love u " before u gone!

Beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

13 October 2007       23 days

Ba,

these days i fall sick already~ fever! aikz…
can’t really eat as full as i could, even 1 piece of roti i also feel very full. (actually i couldn’t finish 1 piece of bread as well)

Ba~ u finish reading the cranes letter mei?! next thursday i may wanna take it off ge noh!
That day, when we visited u on thursday, Mami hambao again~
we purposely make u the coffee, we know u love it.

Ba~ since the day u have gone away. i found out that me & Mami also cannot be leave in alone.
like that we very easy to feel lonely, and here comes our tears again….
really miss u la Ba!
after 49 days, dunno when gonna visit u again~now is almost every thursday, i know the days to visit u will going to be lesser n lesser.
haiz~feel so hard.
Tony balik kampung already. every time when he’s not with me, i also very easy to feel wanna cry + lonely.

Ba~ now i only know how a "Miss" really call!
i miss u so much Baba! seriously!!!!
this kind of "Miss" is so much different from couple love.
To miss somebody who had accompany u for 19 years, it’s really feel so hard….
i can imagine that how does mami feel right now! it’s really not an easy job to her.
u both have been together for more than 30 years, but now gonna seperate forever…

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

7 October 2007     15days

Ba~,

aikz…this 2 days accidentally made Mami angry at me.
maybe mum just too frustrating about lately incidents…busying with ur stuff noh!
but actually im quite care she mad at me. i found myself so lost when she scolded me, i even dunno wat to do…haiz…

today is Tony’s concert neh!
his whole family also got come KL to support him.
his granny hug him after the concert, so cute & touched! envy leh!! heheh….what a nice complete family.
and we (mom & brother) had dinner with his family.
"They all so friendly!" (this comment was from Mami).
hm…the dishes…with ur favourite sweet soup as well, red bean sweet soup!
Ba,tat makes me think of u again! mom too!

aikz…tonight, Mami hambao again. She think of the day u "went" away.
i have no idea how to stop her from crying, i just try to change the topic. ask her to slp early don’t think so much, sth else…
heart pain, but i can’t tell.
feel tired, need to lean against on some1 shoulder.
feel like wanna cry, but i can’t show it to my family (maybe can cry infront Si Zi Zai?!) hahha….

i really feel so tired. so moody~
feel like dun wanna go to cls, no mood + lazy! heheh..
what can i do?! continue to carry my loads. carry on carry on!

i miss u Ba! once again~ haiz….

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

3 October 2007        12 days

Baba,

"The day after day, time pass away, my belief and my faith have not end for your death. Only belonging has gone away. I may not pray everyday but I miss you every night and day.
Tear may like a pearl, so I have left my pearl for you."
-written on 1 October 2007-

Ba~ do u like crane?i make a crane for u ya!
i have been a long time never fold a crane niao neh~
tmr i bring it to u! yeah!! tmr can visit Baba again! i miss u so much la Ba~

haiz…today, Mami hambao again! because she miss u!
ah Gal asked her why she’s crying, she said "because i sayang him mah!".
Ba~ we all really miss u.

u know what?! today we was planning to bring ur favourite food to u tmr–chao dao fu (smelly taufu). hahah ^^||
but~cannot la ofcos. how to bring it from KL to nilai wor!
later on ur lovely Myvi car oso busuk-busuk liao! hehe

Ba~ i can never forget about ur contribution to this family.
Ur contribution is always been appreciated by us!
Ba! i really feel it! seriously!

Ba!! u have left us for 12 days. i every night oso miss u~
21 September 2007, u have left us~

if there’s a transmigration (of the soul), i wish to be ur daughter again!
i love u Ba!
see you on tomorrow!!!! miss ya!

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

30 September 2007

Baba,

how r u dad?!
these days tidy up ur stuff & documents. my heart feel very pain, cos have to throw away some of ur "treasure".
i know u sure won’t be happy if u know we throw many of ur things. actually we didn’t want to be. haiz…
i found ur old "spec", make me recall my early childhood. Ba~ u used to wear the spec for many years.
when i was asked to clean the photo frames, i can’t stand of it, i cry again~coz i think of u Baba, think of the place that u brought us to.

Ba~ actually im so regret that i never utilize my hp. now i only realized that i do not have any photo/video clip of u. im so sad..
ba!!! i am so miss u!!!!!!!

aikz…ba, the Socso cannot claim leh! they said u were over 55 years old jor.
Mami very poor now…not only ke lian but oso meet finance critical.

luckily these days got Tony & ah Seng gor gor. They really help us a lot.

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei

27 September 2007

Baba,

hm~Ba~i think u can leave it peacefully there hor?!
today Mami cry for u again, haiz~ i really dunno what can i say on that moment.
Ba~u need anything else?! i try to get it to u for next thursday.
u wan any sweet soup or what?! but, how can u receive it?! burn it for u?! hope u can let me know.

aikz..Ba,today we got a bad news from Ms.Gan, about 1 of ur account we cannot do anything on it.
today my lecturer ask me to be strong, and talk to me so much.
im trying my best too, just to overcome from all of it.

i feel hard again today. morning i was driving to college, but i think of how u lead me the rout & think of u taught me how to check the car thingy~ i miss u nah baba!!!

Baba~ did u hear what i pray just now?!when i face to u?!
remember well ooo!! don’t forget again like u used to!!

Ba~that day hor, we have forgotten to inform Ms.Lok about u had already passed away. i have heard mom say that she was crying, and blaming us didn’t inform her about ur funeral as well.
Sorry baba, that day we were so confused & busy, and we have no idea who haven’t been contacted and who have already being informed.
She’s so regret that couldn’t take a chance to get to ur funeral.

im always loving u Baba! eventhough i never say it to u before, but i hope u really can feel it.
u know me this Kei Kei really not good in expressing emotion ge mah, right?!

miss u ba~

beloved daughter,
Kei Kei